So I just weighed myself, and it said a whopping 150.2 lbs. UGHHHHHHHH! I'm so SICK of being fat. I'm sooo sick of it. I have exercised every day the last week, sometimes running, sometimes doing jumping jacks, always situps and pushups. I don't understand. I haven't been eating badly either. Okay so at night I sometimes have some chocolate or some graham crackers...but SERIOUSLY otherwise, it's veggies (sometimes with humus) and turkey sandwiches and yogurt or this oatmeal that's only 160 calories. Seriously. I'm really pissed off and disheartened. And, I know I'm not FAT. I know that, I'm a size 8/9, maybe I'll post pictures. I'm not fat but I'm not sexy-girl-I-can-wear-short-shirts-without-ridicule-skinny. And THAT upsets me. I don't want to be 90 lbs, I want to be like 130. I'm 5'10". My BMI is closer to underweight than overweight, but I still feel like a tub of lard. And it's really frustrating to me that I diet all the time and never see results. Maybe my gain of .6 lbs (I have 149.6 yesterday) is just waterweight because I drank a TON of water yesterday. And had those stupid fucking graham crackers. WHY ARE THEY SO GOOD. :( I've tried fasting and eating only like 600 or 800 calories...it works for a week and I gain it back. I can't live like that. I need to do this "the healthy way" but the stupid healthy way IS NOT WORKING.

Help me :(

Pictaaaaaas!







YUP......that's me. GAH.

What am I doing wrong? I need some mad tips. How do you avoid late night binges? What do you order when you go out with friends? I usually get a grilled chicken sandwich or wrap and I don't eat the tortilla. Or I just get a captian diet. That's usually the case. Ha.

HELLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Love,

the token fat girl.

Didn't get to weigh myself today because the reliable scale is in my parents' bedroom and dad is tripping balls from pain meds because he had wrist surgery two days ago. Annoying.

Know what else is annoying?


One, IT'S MARCH. I'm done with winter. I hate it in November when it first starts, and by march, I wish it was a person so I could fucking slash it's cold windy throat.

Two, I already had my hair and makeup done when they canceled school, and I look AWESOME. Now I have no where to go.

Three, it's difficult not to eat when I'm at home all day. I had 150 calorie oatmeal like two hours ago, but I'm starving again and I want yogurt and popcorn and delicious things. GAH. I'm scared I might cave and ruin what I've already achieved. But my horoscope said I was driven and to not worry about messing up what I've been working on--and that makes me feel better :)

Also, to make today suck more? My computer randomly warped and now I can't get any disks into my CD/DVD player. FANTASTIC. No watching movies for me! F;lskdfj;slkk;dgnaksj;lrhg;asjg.

But such is life.